ABVP vigilant while liberal student starts eating food from right to left.
The recent attempts of anti-nationals in Ramjas to disrupt national peace have left us all disgusted and aghast. But it also gave us hope. In our guardians. Guardians who do what needs to be done. Guardians that never sleep. Guardians of the night. Dishing out justice to couples cuddling in the arms of love jihad, disrespecting Indian culture and values. Guardians who make sure women don’t have suppressed urges by satisfying them, with or without their consent. Saving them from getting sexually abused with their pragmatism and preemptive measures. Guardians who won’t stay silent in the face of coups these liberals call “speeches” and hide under the garb of “freedom” of speech.
However, much still needs to be done. There have been frequent liberal uprisings. The major ones have been neutralised. The minor ones however continue to radicalize young minds with yo-momma jokes, succulent steaks and atheism. These subtle methods of brainwashing go rather unnoticed and show up much later, when little can be done and these naxalites are far more difficult to eliminate.
But thanks to A.B.V.P. we have hope. Yet again, ABVP think tank came up with a plan to nip this evil in the bud. They have sent silent watchers to all major nodes liberals use to propagate their agendas and radicalise the youth. All book stores, canteens and maal dealers are under close observation. Due to their diligent efforts, one major instrument of propaganda has been identified. As hard as it is to believe, it is the innocent sandwich!
“After making arrangements for proxy in all my classes, I stealthily observed this J.N.U canteen today,” said one of these brave scouts. “What I saw was an outrage! Liberals talking about sexual consent and free speech. For what, so you can talk dirty while having sex on the campus?” He paused as he tried to calm himself down. “I was confused. How were they so doing this so peacefully? Aren’t they scared of my brave brothers? How do they know that everyone in this room is a liberal? Something was not right… but then it dawned on me. Everyone in that canteen was eating their food from right to left. There was a sleeper cell right under our nose! Using food as a means of identification. That’s when I called you. This is big. Publish this. I need to pee. Hold my gaumutra,” said the brave man as he outclassed Usain Bolt in his hundred metre toilet dash.
We chose to rise to this call of duty. Thus we immediately informed the ABVP justice division. This is the reply we got : This is phenomenal news. We shall zero in on them tomorrow. After tonight’s award ceremony for our brave ABVP lathis and katte. You have to keep mum about this”. And we did. Publishing it today. After the ABVP surgical strikes. In which yet another group of anti-nationalists were neutralized. Reminding all the patriots who stand up for the national anthem in movie halls, that as long as there is ABVP, there is hope.
ABVP. A BIG VICIOUS PROTECTOR
*You can report antinational incidents in our comment section itself. We will direct them to A.B.V.P.*
*If you think a friend might know of these terrorists, share this post with them*
*If you know one of these naxalites, tag them*
P.S: The author recommends getting your Left leg and arm amputated, because that’s just not Right.
Author : Suraj Priyank.